In his book, "Bringing Out the Best in People", Dr. Aubrey Daniels points out that the dominant management style in today's workplace is based on negative reinforcement. It's no wonder we tend to employ the same strategy in our personal lives. Below, I've summarized his chapter on "The High Price of Negative Reinforcment" in the context of the parent-child relationship.
Dr. Daniels says that "doing things because you have to do them is a sure sign that negative reinforcement is the consequence at work". In case you don't remember, negative reinforcement is the removal of an aversive stimulus or condition following a behavior which serves to increase the likelihood that this behavior will occur again. You might think of it as the "do it or else" tactic. At work - "You need to improve your performance or I will have to let you go." At home - "Please do your homework now or you're on restriction for a week." The person will likely engage in the appropriate behavior immediately in order to avoid the aversive condition (i.e. being fired or put on restriction).
While using such tactics will likely result in the behavior you were asking for, Dr. Daniels asks us to think about this: If both positive and negative reinforcement get results, why should it matter which we use? First, people like positive reinforcement. Second, positive reinforcement maximizes performance while negative reinforcement often produces just enough to get by. In the above example, your child might have completed his homework, but did he provide his best performance? Did he complete the assignment correctly? We're warned that negative reinforcement serves us well in circumstances where all we need is compliance or minimum performance: going to the dentist, paying our taxes, using an umbrella in the rain. But if the goal is excellence, attaining such requires much more than minimum performance.
Dr. Daniels points out another problem with using negative reinforcement. Often, in order for negative reinforcement to work, the "punisher" or "enforcer" must be ever present either in person or by representation (i.e. video cameras to monitor performance, programs that monitor computer or phone use, etc). Under negative reinforcment, you can't trust people to monitor themselves. This is highly time consuming for managers, teachers, and parents! What happens when a subsitute teaches your class? What happens when mommy is the enforcer and daddy if left in charge for the day? Also, negative reinforcement cannot occur without some degree of fear, which leads to an environment filled with stress where short tempers, hurt feelings, and hostile interactions occur daily.
Dr. Daniels points out that negative reinforcement does have it's place in management. If you have to look hard for something to reinforce (i.e. "you sure do have a neat, clean desk") then you may have a performer in serious need of negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement may be the way to start some behaviors that you can positively reinforce. He warns that we often wait too long to employ the "do it or else" tactic, get disgusted with the poor behavior, and therefore lose the desire to positively reinforce the right behaviors when we see them. You may be required to reinforce some very small improvements at first - which is often difficult when you have a performer who has been the source of problems. But if we do not positively reinforce even small improvements, then the improvments will soon disappear and past problems will resurface. So, forget the problems of the past and focus on improvements (however small) in the present! "Negative reinforcement can start a poor performer moving in the right direction, but only positive reinforcement can keep that person going."
So why do we continue to use negative reinforcment as our first and often only tactic? Turns out that our own behavior of using negative reinforcement is reinforced far more immediately than if we had used positive reinforcement. Let me explain: When we use positive reinforcment, we have to wait until the behavior occurs again before we know whether or not the positive reinforcement worked. However, when we use negative reinforcement we are likely to see results right away. So, the question is this: Do you want immediate, minimum performance or long-term, excellent performance? If your answer is the latter, then the best strategy is positive reinforcement. Starting today, let's all make a concentrated effort to use positive reinforcement to bring out the best in our kids!
PROBLEM BEHAVIOR: A HOW-TO FOR PARENTS WITH TYPICAL CHILDREN
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Keep Your Cool!
Anyone seen the video Father Teaches Daughter Lesson About Facebook? Of course you have, it's gone viral. I see no need to post it here - you're welcome to Google it if you so desire. Basically, his teenage daughter posted a rant on Facebook about how her parents treat her like a slave - insert several expletives. The father, in turn, went to Youtube and posted his own video rant ending with placing 9 rounds from his handgun into her computer. As someone said, we're likely to see their story on Dr. Phil soon!
I do not condone the behavior of this father. While he was justifiably upset with his daughter, this was not the adult way to handle the situation. He basically did the same thing his daughter did - went on a public forum to rant about someone who made him mad. The difference? Instead of using expletives, he used a gun (a lethal weapon) to get his point across. Now I don't know about you, but I would avoid placing such a weapon into my own hands while upset. He lost his cool. He did not control his impulse to act on his angry thoughts. As adults, it is important that we do this! I guarantee you that in the face of an angry teen or grumpy preschooler when you keep your cool you will avoid further escalating your child's behavior. It's not easy and it takes practice - lots of practice!
I do not condone the behavior of this father. While he was justifiably upset with his daughter, this was not the adult way to handle the situation. He basically did the same thing his daughter did - went on a public forum to rant about someone who made him mad. The difference? Instead of using expletives, he used a gun (a lethal weapon) to get his point across. Now I don't know about you, but I would avoid placing such a weapon into my own hands while upset. He lost his cool. He did not control his impulse to act on his angry thoughts. As adults, it is important that we do this! I guarantee you that in the face of an angry teen or grumpy preschooler when you keep your cool you will avoid further escalating your child's behavior. It's not easy and it takes practice - lots of practice!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Warnings: Not a Consequence for Misbehavior
I recently read this blog article and it got me thinking...
As parents (and teachers), we give warnings ALL DAY LONG! We warn our children "If you do that, then you're going to be in big trouble!" "This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" There is nothing wrong with gentle reminders ("Remember, if you hit your brother again you will have to put that toy away" or better yet "Remember to keep your hands to yourself and you can play with the spiderman toy"); however, we must be consistent with consequences. Meaning, we must actually follow-through with what we say. A warning cannot continue to be followed by more warnings. A warning only works by it's association with consequences. If a warning is only associated with further warnings, our children will have no reason to change their behavior.
It seems our reasoning behind so many warnings is likely avoidance of tantrums that occur when we do follow-through with consequences. Or, on occasion, we don't know what consequence to apply so we just keep hoping that the warning will do the trick. The problem with this logic is that warnings followed by warnings don't change behavior. The behavior you are warning against continues to occur until you apply a consequence. And while I admit that applying consequences may lead to tantrums, in the end the tantrums will decrease because the warning will have worked (after being consistently paired with actual consequences). Don't forget the positive consequences as well. When your children respond appropriately to warnings such as "Remember to keep your hands to yourself and you can play with the Spiderman toy" then please remember Spiderman!
As I've said before, ABA is hard work up front but well worth the results in the end!
As parents (and teachers), we give warnings ALL DAY LONG! We warn our children "If you do that, then you're going to be in big trouble!" "This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" There is nothing wrong with gentle reminders ("Remember, if you hit your brother again you will have to put that toy away" or better yet "Remember to keep your hands to yourself and you can play with the spiderman toy"); however, we must be consistent with consequences. Meaning, we must actually follow-through with what we say. A warning cannot continue to be followed by more warnings. A warning only works by it's association with consequences. If a warning is only associated with further warnings, our children will have no reason to change their behavior.
It seems our reasoning behind so many warnings is likely avoidance of tantrums that occur when we do follow-through with consequences. Or, on occasion, we don't know what consequence to apply so we just keep hoping that the warning will do the trick. The problem with this logic is that warnings followed by warnings don't change behavior. The behavior you are warning against continues to occur until you apply a consequence. And while I admit that applying consequences may lead to tantrums, in the end the tantrums will decrease because the warning will have worked (after being consistently paired with actual consequences). Don't forget the positive consequences as well. When your children respond appropriately to warnings such as "Remember to keep your hands to yourself and you can play with the Spiderman toy" then please remember Spiderman!
As I've said before, ABA is hard work up front but well worth the results in the end!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Threat
Often, parents at their wits end throw out threats like “if you don’t do [this] then you won’t get [that]!” How often does this work for you? Typically, your child gets upset, has a tantrum, they don’t do what you’ve asked them to do, and they don’t get the thing they wanted to get. I’ve got a way for you to turn this around.
Want to read more? Great! I got "published" on Tots2Tweens! Check it out
here.
Want to read more? Great! I got "published" on Tots2Tweens! Check it out
here.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Does your child accept "no"?
Telling your child "no" is something we all must do from time to time. When you have a toddler "no" tends to roll off your tongue every other word! And often results in a tantrum. So, how do you teach your child to accept "no"?
Dr. Vincent Carbone is a leader in the Behavior Analysis field. He has coined the "Accepting 'No' Program" for use with children with developmental disabilities. However, my staff and I use this program at our preschool with typically developing children and it usually works like a charm. It goes a little something like this:
1) Before denying access to items, activities, etc. (or just plain ol' saying "no"), have an approved alternative in mind. Offer that alternative when you say "No, you can do that but how about you play with this instead."
2) If your child accepts “no” without problem behavior, deliver the alternative reinforcer and social praise.
3) If problem behaviors occur, do not provide access to the alternative reinforcer and do not provide any attention to the problem behavior.
Speaking of telling your child "no":
After cleaning up cheerios for the 5th time this morning I had to tell my daughter "no more cheerios" despite her constant "more", "more", "more" and instead gave her one animal cracker for each hand.
Spillproof: designed to prevent spilling.
The Gyro Bowl is spillproof.
Gyroproof: possessing the ability to spill the unspillable.
My kid is Gyroproof.
Dr. Vincent Carbone is a leader in the Behavior Analysis field. He has coined the "Accepting 'No' Program" for use with children with developmental disabilities. However, my staff and I use this program at our preschool with typically developing children and it usually works like a charm. It goes a little something like this:
1) Before denying access to items, activities, etc. (or just plain ol' saying "no"), have an approved alternative in mind. Offer that alternative when you say "No, you can do that but how about you play with this instead."
2) If your child accepts “no” without problem behavior, deliver the alternative reinforcer and social praise.
3) If problem behaviors occur, do not provide access to the alternative reinforcer and do not provide any attention to the problem behavior.
*Initially you should offer an equally preferred reinforcer. For example, instead of mommy's keys offer your child a set of play keys. Gradually fade the preference level of the alternative reinforcer (i.e. equally preferred, slightly less preferred, neutral stimulus) and the frequency of its delivery until no alternative reinforcer is offered. Your child is now expected to accept no without an alternative offered.
Speaking of telling your child "no":
After cleaning up cheerios for the 5th time this morning I had to tell my daughter "no more cheerios" despite her constant "more", "more", "more" and instead gave her one animal cracker for each hand.
Spillproof: designed to prevent spilling.
The Gyro Bowl is spillproof.
Gyroproof: possessing the ability to spill the unspillable.
My kid is Gyroproof.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Adventures in Toddler Potty Training
Any moms out there potty training? We started this weekend (with our 16 month old daughter) and so far no wet pants. Wow, right? Well, I didn't mention the pee pee in the freshly drawn bath water (just 3 minutes after sitting on the potty) or the little puddle in the middle of my bathroom floor (just 5 SECONDS after sitting on the potty). Oops! Still, it has been a good first day. Our timing is just a tiny bit off but I'm confident we'll get the hang of it and finally get the pee pee inside the potty.
For anyone interested, we're using a modified Positive Practice technique.
1. Don't make any plans. Stay at home and keep your full attention on potty training.
2. Wear regular underwear - with Pull-ups and diapers for naps/bedtime.
3. Give lots of liquids but don't give them foods to make them thirsty. The idea is to be well hydrated, not overhydrated.
4. Tell your child "let's go potty" (you can also simultaneously use sign language if you anticipate teaching your child the sign for potty). Sit on the potty once every hour. If the child voids on the potty, reset your timer for 1 hour. If the child does not void, reset the timer for 15 minutes. (We are only sitting from 1-5 minutes so as to not make this process aversive). FYI: the sign for "toilet" is fairly simple - make a fist, place thumb between your index and middle fingers (ASL for the letter T), and twist your wrist back and forth so that you are kind of shaking your fist. You do not need to require your child to use the sign or say "potty" at this time. This will come when they begin to self-initiate.
5. If the child voids on the toilet, reinforce with a tangible item (miniature M&Ms work well) as well as verbal praise (you could even do the "potty dance" and sing "pee pee in the po-tty"). Help the child to pull up their pants.
6. When your timer rings, do a dry check. Guide the child's hand on their pants to feel if they are dry or wet. If dry, provide reinforcement and verbal praise. (We've been skipping this step for now as I don't think a 16 month old would truly understand this part.)
7. If during a "dry check" the child is wet, have them touch the wet pants and tell them where they should void ("Pee pee in the potty. No pee pee on the floor".) Bring child to the bathroom right away, help them pull down their wet pants, sit on the potty, and then pull up their wet pants and bring them back to where they urinated. Follow this routine of positive practice 5 times. After the fifth time, change the child and have child help clean up the wet spot. Do not provide a lot of attention at this time. While this practice is not suppose to be fun for the child, you should not use punishment but also do not reinforce any problem behaviors.
8. When your child begins to "self-initiate" or independently tell you they need to potty, stop scheduling the child for potty time. If you continue to run this schedule the child is likely to become dependent on a schedule rather than initiate on their own.
9. Continue to keep child's bladder filled with fluids. At this time more accidents are likely to occur, but continue to use the positive practice procedure when this happens.
10. If the child stops self-initiating and continues to have accidents, start scheduling again.
11. Once the child has several consecutive initiations (over multiple days) without accidents, stop forcing fluids.
12. When you are ready to go to public places, make sure you fill your child's bladder before you go. When you reach your destination, show your child the bathroom (not just where it is but go in and see the potty) and see if your child will self-initiate. Use some prompting if necessary.
13. The child will likely not master bowel training just because they have mastered bladder training. It's important to NOT go back to using diapers. There is no need to use positive practice but you should have the child help you clean up. Always reinforce for going on the potty! Many children have a pretty regular schedule for bowel movements so it's a good idea to have them sit on the potty at that time.
14. If you have a boy, wait until he is both bladder (sitting down) and bowel trained to begin teaching them to stand while urinating. And just a heads up, get a shield for your child's potty and teach them to "tuck" or you're going to get wet!
15. Once the child has mastered self-initiation, it's a good idea to start teaching them to request for the potty. You can use simple words - pee pee, potty - or even sign language. When the child self-initiates and begins heading for the bathroom, stop them and prompt them to use their new word or sign.
And there you have it. Happy training!
For anyone interested, we're using a modified Positive Practice technique.
1. Don't make any plans. Stay at home and keep your full attention on potty training.
2. Wear regular underwear - with Pull-ups and diapers for naps/bedtime.
3. Give lots of liquids but don't give them foods to make them thirsty. The idea is to be well hydrated, not overhydrated.
4. Tell your child "let's go potty" (you can also simultaneously use sign language if you anticipate teaching your child the sign for potty). Sit on the potty once every hour. If the child voids on the potty, reset your timer for 1 hour. If the child does not void, reset the timer for 15 minutes. (We are only sitting from 1-5 minutes so as to not make this process aversive). FYI: the sign for "toilet" is fairly simple - make a fist, place thumb between your index and middle fingers (ASL for the letter T), and twist your wrist back and forth so that you are kind of shaking your fist. You do not need to require your child to use the sign or say "potty" at this time. This will come when they begin to self-initiate.
5. If the child voids on the toilet, reinforce with a tangible item (miniature M&Ms work well) as well as verbal praise (you could even do the "potty dance" and sing "pee pee in the po-tty"). Help the child to pull up their pants.
6. When your timer rings, do a dry check. Guide the child's hand on their pants to feel if they are dry or wet. If dry, provide reinforcement and verbal praise. (We've been skipping this step for now as I don't think a 16 month old would truly understand this part.)
7. If during a "dry check" the child is wet, have them touch the wet pants and tell them where they should void ("Pee pee in the potty. No pee pee on the floor".) Bring child to the bathroom right away, help them pull down their wet pants, sit on the potty, and then pull up their wet pants and bring them back to where they urinated. Follow this routine of positive practice 5 times. After the fifth time, change the child and have child help clean up the wet spot. Do not provide a lot of attention at this time. While this practice is not suppose to be fun for the child, you should not use punishment but also do not reinforce any problem behaviors.
8. When your child begins to "self-initiate" or independently tell you they need to potty, stop scheduling the child for potty time. If you continue to run this schedule the child is likely to become dependent on a schedule rather than initiate on their own.
9. Continue to keep child's bladder filled with fluids. At this time more accidents are likely to occur, but continue to use the positive practice procedure when this happens.
10. If the child stops self-initiating and continues to have accidents, start scheduling again.
11. Once the child has several consecutive initiations (over multiple days) without accidents, stop forcing fluids.
12. When you are ready to go to public places, make sure you fill your child's bladder before you go. When you reach your destination, show your child the bathroom (not just where it is but go in and see the potty) and see if your child will self-initiate. Use some prompting if necessary.
13. The child will likely not master bowel training just because they have mastered bladder training. It's important to NOT go back to using diapers. There is no need to use positive practice but you should have the child help you clean up. Always reinforce for going on the potty! Many children have a pretty regular schedule for bowel movements so it's a good idea to have them sit on the potty at that time.
14. If you have a boy, wait until he is both bladder (sitting down) and bowel trained to begin teaching them to stand while urinating. And just a heads up, get a shield for your child's potty and teach them to "tuck" or you're going to get wet!
15. Once the child has mastered self-initiation, it's a good idea to start teaching them to request for the potty. You can use simple words - pee pee, potty - or even sign language. When the child self-initiates and begins heading for the bathroom, stop them and prompt them to use their new word or sign.
And there you have it. Happy training!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Reinforcing New, Appropriate Behaviors
I’ve written several posts on reducing problem behavior (it’s a pretty popular topic) but in this post I want to focus on increasing appropriate behaviors. By definition, in order to increase behaviors one must reinforce those behaviors. If you are reinforcing a new behavior, you should be sure to reinforce the behavior EVERY time it occurs (in the appropriate context). In ABA
Just to provide an example, let’s go back to when I began teaching my toddler to ask for “up” when she wanted me to pick her up. Every time she said “up” I picked her up because I wanted her to understand the correlation between her behavior (saying “up) and my behavior (picking her up). Obviously I can’t pick her up every time she says it for the rest of her life. She’s going to get heavy for one (she’s already pushing 30 lbs)! And sometimes it’s just not feasible for me to hold her – cooking dinner with hot oil, taking the dogs for a walk, etc. Now that she has really mastered and understands what the word “up” means - she uses it in a variety of contexts, such as “help me get up in my highchair”, “pick me up”, and so on - I can start reducing the number of times I reinforce that behavior. When I am cooking dinner and she asks “up” I tell her “not right now” or “wait”. This has not by any means reduced the number of times she asks to be picked up; if anything it has increased the number of times she asks (which is very tiring by the way so be careful what you ask for!) To my daughter, it may seem pretty random as to when her behavior is reinforced and when it isn’t reinforced. That’s what “intermittent reinforcement” is designed to do. Since she doesn’t know when her behavior will be reinforced, she tries again and again and again until she receives the reinforcement. When you use this intermittent schedule it is pretty unlikely that your child will ever stop engaging in that behavior. With that in mind, be sure to reinforce behaviors in the correct context so that your child will learn when it is appropriate to engage in the behavior and when it is not. It’s not a good idea to ask mommy to pick you up when she is cooking with hot grease; therefore, I should never reinforce that behavior under that condition.
By the way, this intermittent reinforcement schedule is exactly the reason that you must be sure (when using punishment techniques) to punish a problem behavior EVERY time it occurs. If you are only punishing intermittently, then you must also be reinforcing intermittently. And as we just discussed, if you reinforce something intermittently then it is pretty unlikely your child will ever stop engaging in that behavior!!
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